Ordet is Connor Rothstein and these songs were recorded by him at home on a TASCAM Portastudio on March 7th & 8th, 2014, except "Epilogue (April 5, 2013)", which was recorded by Alex Pepe in his basement studio (RIP) and mixed by Connor in April, 2013.
I wish endings didn’t hurt so bad, ‘cause they’ve happened before & they’ll happen again. The summer’s over - what happens now - to all the things I can’t live without? ‘Cause I was someone real back then, can I ever be him again? Am I the only one alone, can anyone tell, does anyone know? ’Cause I’ve got apathy for days; I wouldn’t even know what to say if anybody asked me why. Would anyone even try? The late nights I spend alone, because I’m not half the man I said I was, in the songs we wrote down at the shore. I just can’t get back there anymore. And oh, the lies I would tell her if she wanted to know. But she’s not even listening so: I’m getting high at 3:01 & it’s a dirty, dirty, lonely drug. So find me here anyone, dying in the winter sun. There’s not a day I don’t think of the long way down. Is anybody listening? Is anyone fucking listening now? Because this is all just a means to an end & a man in my shoes is a man on the edge. Because this is all just a means to an end & a man in my shoes is a man on the edge. If this is all just a means to an end - then a man in my shoes is a man on the edge. If this is all just a means to an end - then a man in my shoes is falling off the edge.
Track Name: Dying... To Survive
Why is my room always so fucking cold? Or it might be me in which case, when did I get so old? And I wish that I could let you go, so that I could die alone. You will fall in love with words; you will fall for someone else. And I know me well enough to know I can’t even help myself. So here’s a game: I’ll take a drink for every time that I’m outdone. Because blacking out beats dreaming about a bullet in a gun. It’s my life you know - it’s my right to crash & burn. There’s not a silver lining - there’s not a lesson that I’ve learned. Remember the nights that summer, when we used to drink and drive? What a life it was back then in July on fifty-five. The nights that we spent high - shit - those were the best nights of our lives. & what a better life it was when we were dying to survive. It’s my life you know - it’s my right to crash & burn. There’s not a silver lining - there’s not a lesson that I’ve learned. And if I die & go to hell - it’s none of your concern.
Track Name: Everything & Her
The way that she says words just makes me wanna die. Just the sheer fact she exists tears me apart inside. And she has a smile that could set the room on fire, if only she would show me every once in a while. I love her all the way from her bleeding nose, to the red wine pouring out her mouth & falling at her toes. To the poetry she had tacked up on the walls. From the day that I first saw her walking down the crowded halls. I’ve written all these songs for her & she deserves every word, even if her silence is the loudest noise I’ve heard. And these words don’t come close to the way she makes my heart dissolve, ‘cause when I am compared to her I feel so fucking small. And these words don’t come close to the way she makes my heart dissolve, ‘cause when I am compared to her I feel so fucking small. To the way she makes me live to the way she takes it all, ’cause everything compared to her just feels so fucking small. To the way she makes me live to the way she takes it all. Because everything compared to her just feels so fucking small. The world doesn‘t love her more than it loves anybody else, but I love her more than I’ll ever love myself.
Track Name: Heartbreak is a Five-Letter Word
If absence makes the heart grow fonder, do you love me yet? But if absence leads my mind to wander, don’t let me forget. Why I feel this way - though I’m sure someday I’ll change, from the person that you saw, in the glances we exchanged. If I told you that I miss you, would you say it someday too? Someday I hope that I’m someone, so that you’ll see me again. I’ll mean it when I say I’m sorry, for all the things that could have been. Though someday we all break someone else’s heart, some days I think I’ll just fall apart. So I’ll just say it - God - I fucking miss you. Do you live in the past the way I do? The way I do. I don’t even mean half of what I say & the other half are promises I can’t keep anyway. Without you I don’t know what I’d ever do. These songs don’t belong as much to me as they all belong to you.
Track Name: All Farewells Should Be Sudden (You Are Now Leaving the Boardwalk of Fame & Happiness)
The idea of her, may it rest in peace. Because nothing is as perfect as it first may seem. Like those nights I spent in high school asleep with Jenn over the phone. Like those sleepless nights that summer, when I called the boardwalk home. It’s easy to cry because endings are so sad. And it might be over now, but it’s the best I ever had. In the Winter I don’t know how to live with the person that I am, but in the Spring I fall in love with life all over again. I’ll keep all the photographs, even though I’ve learned that I can’t repeat the past. I’ll smile when I see them, though I’m not living through them anymore. ‘Cause if life is all just saddnes, what would anyone live it for? ’Cause if life is all just sadness, what would anyone live it for? If life happens in the past, what would you live tomorrow for? The future’s finally one worth fighting for. Yes - tomorrow is a future worth fucking fighting for.